Thursday, June 26, 2008

CLUBS IN THE VILLAGES

Every Thursday the local paper has a supplement with all the club offerings for the following week. You could literally spend every day of the week going to club things and I guess after 9pm you could go hunting for Mr. Midnight.

I always read them, but so far haven't joined any. I guess I'm just not a club type of person, not really a joiner. I'm not at all artistic, not all that chipper. One of my favorite clubs to observe is the Villages Cheerleaders. You want to see perky and chipper. Watching them you just know that these were the same girls that were cheering in high school and they have never stopped.

If you can't find an established club to join you can start your own. I had thought about a club for pessimists, but that would never work. I'd really like a club for people that still smoke, don't want to anything that will work up a sweat and have no artistic ability. I don't know what we would call it. Drinking will be allowed in this club, it will actually be encouraged. I guess we would have to have our meetings outdoors or everybody will be outside smoking anyway.

Getting back to my HERO, Mr. Midnight....maybe we could start a club called The Maidens of Midnight. Thankfully, I'm not elegible for that one.

I guess one can always dream.

AMERICA'S FRIENDLIEST HOMETOWN..

People in The Villages are friendly, very friendly. As a native New Yorker this is sometimes hard to process.

Drive just a few blocks in your golfcart and everyone is waving. New Yorkers don't wave, the only time they wave is when they don't use all their fingers. Here they are always waving, of course I wave back, I don't want to appear to be some sort of subversive. I think I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome from all the waving. I think I have to start doing the Queen Elizabeth II kind of wave.

The other thing about this friendly thing is that everyone feels the need to tell you their life story. What is with this? Are they telling the truth? It seems that everyone just left 10 acre lots in East Hampton, Grosse Point or Palm Beach. What is with that? Everyone had 6000 square foot houses. Did any of these people leave bungalows? How about the projects in the Bronx? I don't think so. What is it, are they liars? Special? Maybe a little crazy?

Part of all this friendliness has to do with the fact that we all need new friends, it's an ongoing audition. It's not easy to meet real new friends, forming real friendships takes time, we don't really have a lot of time. When you measure the remainder of your life in months rather than decades do you really have the time to make real friends?

What happens when you have been here a while, you have your friends, are you still friendly? Do you still wave to strangers? Do you still audition everyone that you meet?

Men here are a different breed, if you are a woman they aren't holding auditions. Speak to any man who is alone and he makes a point of telling you that his wife is nearby. I guess he is deferring all auditions to the wife.

Can you really make friends FAST just because you bought a house on the same street?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Villages....It's All About Golf Carts

When I first got to this place I was so calm that I felt as if I were on drugs. Picture a resort where anything you want you can have, you can't have a decent bagel, but anything else is a go. (I figured that either there was drugs in the water or maybe I had died and this was heaven.) I wasted no time in getting a golf cart, you must have a golf cart in here, the more pimped out the better. As Mr. Blechman pointed out in his book "Leisureville", a truly pimped out one can run up to about $25,000. The good news is that an adequately appointed one can be had for about $6000 and you can get a decent used one for half of that.

The first decent used cart I looked at was about 8 years old, looked good, the problem with it was that the owner was trying to sell it for $7000 because that's what he paid for it. It didn't matter that it was 8 years ago. You get a lot of this sort of thing in here, people that don't make a lot of sense. They're pleasant, happy, just a tad loopy.

The next one was a keeper, right price, decent condition and the guy selling it was pretty cute. He showed me all the features. It even had a ball washer. I don't play golf or date much, but a ball washer might be a good thing to have. During the course of our negotiations I once again was wondering if indeed I was dead and this was heaven. Just then his wife (make that young, blonde wife) came out to join us. Whoa, was I glad to know that I was still alive because if I were dead and this was heaven this cute guy would have been single.

Some things to know about golf carts. The electric ones are silent, when you pull them in the garage remember that they are still on, DO NOT absently place your foot on the gas pedal because it will fly into the wall. I did this twice so far.

Another thing to remember is that your vehicle is small, when you are going to make a turn DO NOT do the little single finger wave to signal. While driving my car I would get crazy over all the single finger waves.

It's a Villages tradition to never use turn signals, not in a car, certainly not in a golf cart. When driving a car and you get to the rotaries that they have all over the place DO NOT move over towards the inner lane, nobody does that. You just have to kind of float around the outside lane till you get where you are exiting, if you go to the inner lane during a busy time you may never get out again.

Another thing to remember is that while in Golf Carts people try to go as fast as possible, yet while driving a car they seem to forget the thing has a gas pedal. I once was behind a Corvette going 20 mph (maybe it was my hero, Mr. Midnight). I'm sorry, this should not be allowed, I didn't even know that Vette's could go 20 mph.

The best thing about golf carts is you don't spend money on gas. In the past four months I have only used $20 gas in my car. I just love torturing my non-Village friends with that one. Maybe that will be in Leisureville II, that we have insulated ourselves from the reality of depending on oil. D'ya think?

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Leisureville....What is with this guy?

After having read the book I have many observations and one overwhelming question, what is Andrew Blechman's problem?

The premise of this book, one that he repeatedly bends facts to prove is that we are an age segregated society and that he considers that to be a bad thing. He spends a lot of time dishing up the dirt on the sexual escapades of a handful of people that he spent some time with. What is with his obsession with sex, perhaps it's because sex sells. Mr. Blechman joined several clubs and then proceeded to trash their activities. What I'm not getting here, if The Villages is so age segregated then how did he manage to attend so many activities when he is clearly under 55? HUH? What does it say about this allegedly closed off society that the allowed him to spend time at their clubs, entertained him and in the case of the infamous Mr. Midnight actually invited him to spend the night?

Mr. Blechman is the author of "Pigeons: The Fascinating Saga of the World's Most Revered and Reviled Bird". I'm thinking that sex in The Villages is going to be a bigger seller.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Relocating to The Villages with Pets

Starting over in a new environment is never easy, starting over with pets is even harder. How do you find a new groomer, a new Vet and a new circle of pet friendly friends?


The Villages has so many groomers and Vets to choose from, one of the coolest pet stores I have ever visited and the friendliest neighbors I have ever met. I live in a courtyard villa, it is such a luxury to just open the door and let the dogs "do their thing". It also seems that almost all of neighbors seem to also have dogs. I've moved around quite a bit in the past, had some bad experiences with friend's referrals. Back in New York I once had a friend recommend a boarding facility, left the dogs there and found when I picked them up they were "head shy", they cringed when I raised my hand-we obviously never returned. Since then I've been very careful.


Finding a groomer and a Vet is always a bit of a challenge, I have found that what works for other people sometimes doesn't work for me. I'm not too impressed with fancy surroundings, the only thing I really care about in a groomer is that they treat my animals with respect. I'll sacrifice the perfect cut for the perfect attitude. The first step I took was to question owners of similar breeds while I was in Sumter Landing. The only problem I had with this is that a lot of the pets had just moved here and didn't have a groomer yet either.

Groomer #1-I never actually had her groom the puppies (at 8 years old they are still my puppies). While making an appointment she told me that if they were bad she would tell me. She acted as if this tattletailing was a good thing. HUH? Why would I want her to tell me? That is something she should keep to herself. I know they can be a pain in the neck, but it's not like they bite or anything. If it were easy I would do it myself.

Groomer#2-She groomed the two of them and informed me that Puppy Boy has ISSUES. Not health ISSUES, but he doesn't like having his nails trims. I had an issue myself when I noticed his nails were bleeding.

Groomer#3-As they say, three's a charm. The first thing she told me was that she can't do show type of grooming. I'm okay with that because there is no way these two will ever be at a show unless I buy them an admission ticket. Puppy Boy's mother was a big time show dog, same with his father. Puppy Boy's conformation is so bad that the breeder refused to allow me to use the kennel name. Missy is a puppy mill rescue, again, we have no show aspirations for her. This groomer shows up on time, is reasonably priced, actually acts like she likes them and never tattles on them.

Finding a Vet has become a bigger challenge. My dogs are up to date on their shots, have no discernable problem, but I want to have somebody before I really need him. For me, the makings of a good vet is like walking a tightrope. I want someone who is up on all the latest in diagnostic tools and treatments, yet if they run too many tests I think they are lacking in instinct and experience. I want to be consulted before any procedure is done, I want my questions answered regardless of how stupid he may think they are. I want to have my feelings respected and of course my animals treated with respect. I don't want to be loaded down with nonsense that I can buy for a much lower price elsewhere.

And so the search continues.....








Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Of course the horses must go.....yet again.

There is a proposal going to the polls June 17th regarding the creation of a horse park and card room in Leesburg/Wildwood that is causing some debate. One of the many opinions I have read alleges that this activity will be "criminal activity and trash to the community". I have further read that Yonkers, NY is sited as an example. HUH?

As an owner of four showhorses and a native New Yorker I couldn't disagree more. I have been to horse parks, they are recreational facilities, not dens of sin. Crime? The only crime I have seen at horse shows is a few illlegal Mexicans grooms, parents verbally abusing their children and horse trainers ripping off their clients.

From what I gather, the issue is more with the card rooom and it effect it will have on the area. Using Yonkers as an example is way off base. The area where the track is located in Yonkers is not great, but it was that way for quite a while. I think that the sport was invented to revitalize the area...that's how long Yonkers has been not great. Given the fact that area was not desireable to start with from what I understand the addition of slot machines has actually helped the economy.

Let's talk about another area in New York that recently added a slot machine type of casino, Saratoga Springs. Saratoga Springs is unbelievable. A few years back it had some areas that were getting a little shabby, it depended on the track for tourism, but the track is only open one month in August. Since the addition of the Casino the place is jumping, home values have risen, the shabby area is no longer shabby.

What is it about horses that both attract and repels? While growing up on Long Island we had horses. When the builders moved in they used this as an illusion to sell homes. Every new subdivision was named to give vision to fields of horses, grazing with manes blowing in the breeze. As the builders took over, the horses were pushed out to make room for places like Hunters Glen Estates, every half acre plot of course being an estate. The horses were pushed to the more affluent areas and out of the reach of the middle class.

I wish the planners had the foresight to designate a horse park on Long Island. In order to competitively horse show we had to trailer off the Island to the Jersey Horse Park, to the Catskills and guess what....Saratoga.

Card Rooms? I've never been to one, I have been to many casinos. Let's look at Foxwoods in CT. I don't think it has harmed the surrounding area. How about Turning Stone in upstate New York, they don't serve alcohol and are still doing a thriving business and pumping up the local economy.

I would love to see a real casino built around here. I would love to see Donald Trump or some Indians build one. Hey Donald, if you're reading this, build me something to do.

What we have here is the NIMBY (Not In My Backyard) mentality, we have fear...some of it may be justified. You never know what will happen with a horse, they are unpredictable, they might draw flies, they will urinate, they might die. They also might teach your children responsibility, competitiveness and impart a sense of pride. They will teach your child to put the horse's comfort before their own, to love and ultimately they will break your heart.

Yes, the horses must go.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Midnight Confessions.....We gotta Know

I had planned to discuss little white dogs vs children, but I am so taken with thoughts of this Midnight guy....I just got to know.

Do the woman know they are dealing with him? Do they know they are being wooed by a living legend? Are they willing participants in this? I'm sure they are phsyically willing, such a seducer wouldn't need to be pushy, he may even have to take reservations. Does he view them as prey or just amusement parks? Does he wear a cape? What I need to know is are they emotionally willing participants. I really don't think that in general women can have sex like a man, but what happens when you are retired. Can a woman intentionally choose to go with someone who can do them absolutely no good? What happens when you really don't need anything? When you aren't looking to start a breeding program and start a life together can you then have sex like a man?

How do his girls feel about all of this? Is he good enough that you walk around with a stupid look on your face humming all day? Is he any good?

Did you really have fun or did you feel like you took your good china to a picnic?