DR. BEN CARSON IS COMING TO THE VILLAGES

Ben Carson is coming to The Villages for a book signing, YAWN. I know he's a very bright and accomplished man but he fails the barbeque test.

Would I like to sit with him at a barbeque? I DON'T THINK SO. Out of all the declared candidates I would be okay with Trump and Christie. Past qualified candidates were Bush (both Jr. & Sr.), Bill Clinton and Geraldine Ferrara.  I wouldn't mind hanging out with Romney and his wife, Reagan would be cool, I think even LBJ could be fun. Carson, not so much.

I don't like candidates who are overly religious. I think abortion should be available, I would never have had one but I think until he grows a uterus he should keep his views to himself.

I hear he's an okay Doctor, but he is boring.

FREE Fantasy NBA For Beginners on Draftkings

I am having a blast with all these Draftkings fantasy sports games.  This newest one starts on Wednesday October 28.

Free Fantasy NBA Play

This unlimited player contest features $1000 in total prizes and pays out to the top 158 finishing positions. Check it out, isn't it fun to be in from the beggining.

AGEism In The Villages Florida

I've gotten accustomed to younger people being ageist, many of my friends have children who roll their eyes at my geriatric immaturity, but what is it with the other Village people being ageist.

Countless times I have complete strangers claim they are too young to be living here.  HUH? If you're here you're old enough.  I usually handle the situation by commenting that they sure look old enough.

DENIAL-It's not just a river in Egypt.

My nomination to replace the title "America's Friendliest Home Town" is "The Villages, Florida, Immaturity Without Boundary".

THANKS TO ALL SNOWBIRDS

We should all thank the snowbirds for showing up early this year with their snowpups and sense of humor.
I sometimes read the message board Talk of The Villages, it was fun a little while back, now NOT SO MUCH.

We need the New Yorkers and Jersey crowd to keep it real. Sure, they can sometimes be loud and crude but they keep things light in the beginning.  Sadly a little bit into the season they start suffering from pizza and bagel withdrawal and it becomes frightening.

A word of advice to the other people, the people that only wish they were from NY and NJ-don't go there. Don't tell them about the great pizza in Grand Rapids, don't rave about Publix bagels. If you broach food subjects with the NY/NJ crowd be sure to do it respectfully.  I once sat next to a guy at TwoJays who ordered a latke for the first time in his life-he told me he never had one before-guess what? He still hasn't had one.

Do not make rude comments about the snowpups. The truth is that most of the snowdogs are educated purebreds who have excellent table manners-can you say the same about your grandchildren?

As a final bit of advice, this year has special circumstances, NY Mets are going to the World's Series. As on this writing we don't know what group of losers they are playing.  Don't go there.

Cash In On Free Fantasy Golf Perfect For The Villages

Who knew? I didn't. I never heard of Fantasy Golf Play, certainly never imagined a fun free game where I could win $200,000.  It's kind of like real golf without the snowbirds crowding the courses-LOL.

Play Free Fantasy Golf

Draft your lineup, play for fun, play to win.

Russia Is Watching The Villages. STRAIGHTEN UP.

When I checked the STATS from yesterday I noticed that there were more people viewing this from Russia than from The Villages in Florida-WHAT IS WITH THAT?  There could be a simple explanation, let's face it, The Villages has about 100,000 residents, Russia maybe a bit more.

For whatever the reason, you all need to straighten up.  What is their perception of America's Friendliest Home Town.  Judging from what you see online on the other boards we look like a bunch of drink swilling over-sexed STD spreading geriatrics who can't navigate a traffic circle.  STRAIGHTEN UP KIDDIES-THEY'RE WATCHING YOU.

At times like this I wish old Gary Morse were still alive, he would know what to do. He'd give them a boat ride on the fake lake, open up a chain of Borscht Are Us stands and break ground on the new village of Gatchina complete with the Zhivago center. He could have his golf cart stores sell customized carts made to look like troikas.

What will it be kids, Borscht or Schav?

The Effect of Electronic Pet Fencing on ICDs

The Villages in Florida doesn't allow traditional fencing.  They also have a strict leash law, so many homeowners have opted for invisible electronic fencing to contain their pets.

One of my neighbors recently had an ICD placement.  In reading through the manual I noticed that in addition to airport security there were several situations to avoid, one of which was the invisible fencing. I inquired whether it was the invisible dog fencing or the more visible fencing for livestock.

I can avoid livestock fencing, what about the invisible fencing?  Does it generate a magnetic field?  The scary part is you don't even know it's there, if you're just walking along what is the vulnerability factor?

Guess it's just something else to think about as you step off the curb.

BOOBALISCIOUS Golf Cart Riding in The Villages

I read on that other message board-y'know the one that believes in censorship that two couples were riding in their golfcart and the women were topless. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I don't know all the details-actually I know none of the details, but my HINKY METER is going through the roof.

My gut tells me this either happened in the Brownwod area or the historic area.  They are polar opposites demographically but both are inhabited by rogues.

It's no wonder that I heard they are walling in the Fruitland Park and Wildwood section.  IMO you really can't blame them not wanted their town overun with geriatric sexually obsessed renegades.

I guess the SNOWBIRDS are here-God help us all.

Hey, What is with all the Portugese and the Russians?

I guess we have a huge following in Portugal and Russia, who knew?  There are thousands of readers from Portugal and Russia. I'm hoping that this a sign that we will soon have a massive wave of immigration from those areas.

I would love to see a Portugese restaurant, hopefully from the Algarve region.  If you're familiar with that other message board you know that people are craving paella and kale soup. The only Russian I've been exposed to is The Russian Tea Room, these people would die at the prices. 

I heard a rumor today that the Portugese are coming to build THE WALL.  I know that the Portugese are great with tile and cement.  Have you idea what the Russians are up to.

Are They Selling Drugs in Brownwood?

Rumor has it that a barmaid in a restaurant in Brownwood was arrested for selling meth. I really don't know a lot about Brownwood, I went there a few times when it was first built.  IMO, after they poured the cement they should have kept the damn wild animals out of there-the cement a a mess.

I always look for a little truth in all these rumors.  Thanks to Google I now know that meth is used for treating ocd  and obesity. Maybe that's why it was allegedly sold at that restaurant that serves teeny tiny portions-do ya think?

The Great Wall of Wildwood is now making more sense. I can see why Wildwood is paying for it.  I heard from a reliable source (my landscaper's sister's third cousin who went to school with the Morse kids) that Fruitland Park is seriously thinking about a moat. Yes, they will call it the Morse Moat and guess who is paying for it.

Ethel and Bunny The Villages Therapy Ponies

You all heard it here first, my neighbor's cute little miniature comfort horse, Ethel Marie and her cute little pink sneakers. Now I hear of another one on the message board "Talk of the villages".  There was discussion about Bunny the therapy pony and possibly a third one.  HOW COOL IS THIS.

I loved the old days in The Villages when people seemed more fun and were more willing to let their freak flag fly.  What ever happened to the bubble machine golf cart-haven't seen him lately but he always brought a smile to my face.  How about the blue angel golf carts, remember when they had to be warned to tuck their wings up on bridges and tunnels?

I find it hard to believe we've grown up, it seems that would have happened before we got here.

New to The Villages? LISTEN UP

People in The Villages are generally a friendly group. I think in the day they were friendlier, but that might just be me.  They're okay with dopey questions, have no problem giving directions and pretty much have a good sense of humor.

Here are some DON'TS

If you don't know how to navigate a roundabout study up. If you still don't get it, avoid them, you'll only get in trouble.

NO SAVING CHAIRS. Don't even think about it.

NO SMOKING IN NON-SMOKING AREAS. Some of the overbearing honyacks will try to stop smoking in smoking areas-just ignore them.

Another big topic is dogs, the majority of dogs you'll see are little white fluff balls, but the complainers would have you think there are packs of wolf dogs hanging out in the town square. Truth is you can bring your dog anywhere you choose. Just tell the BIG MOUTHS "Whatever!" and do your thing.

I'm looking forward to the Snowbirds showing up with the Snowpuppies and can't wait till the snowponies become more popular. So far I know of three snowponies. I just love their little sneakers.

Remember, have fun, enjoy and as I always say, "RULES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN."

Fantasy Football Time? DRAFT KINGS $1M Play Action

I'm just loving all these fantasy football games, especially when they can be played for free. Check out this game from DRAFT KINGS. One Million Dollars guaranteed to go, lots of other big prizes and loads of fun. Share it with your friends and have your own little competition amonst yourselves.

DRAFT KINGS MILLION DOLLAR GAME

Let us know how it goes.

FREE Fun For All ...... DRAFT KINGS eSPORTS

Who doesn't enjoy Fantasy Football? Play DRAFT KINGS for FREE. No long term commitment, they have daily games. Make it even more fun and play within your circle of friends.



.Play DRAFT KINGS FOR FREE


Winners, leave a comment and let us all know. HAVE FUN!

How Many Pets Do You Really Have?

The people on the other board are obsessed with counting pets, supposedly you can only have two. PUHLLLEESE, this is a guideline, not a law. They say that whatever you arrive with is okay, but they can't be replaced-HUH?  Hey PET POLICE, do you tell people haw many insipid little grandchildren they can have?

I, myself, moved in with six, somehow I now have eight-I have no idea where they came from. I was advised by an impeccable source at the dog park to dress them alike and nobody would ever know. It seems to work, I get confused myself.  All I know is one day I counted when they came home and there were two extra.  So, if anyone is missing a few brown dogs please contact me.

No Hurricane Erika, Man o Man

Today I found out that we will not be getting a visit from Hurricane Erika, I've already bought all the supplies I needed. So now I have wine, beer, vodka and pretzels.  Whatever will I do?

The Snowbirds are coming

It seems that every year the snowbirds come earlier and earlier, maybe it's a result of global warming-what do I know?

Unlike a lot of the people I love the snowbirds, love their energy, love their "the neverending party" attitude. Let's take bet on how early in the season the first person from Jersey tries to drive their car over Spanish Springs bridge, and why does it always seem to be a Prius?  We will soon be hearing how the food is much better in NY or Boston or God knows where. We can all go to the town square and watch ladies in culottes line dancing, fist fighting, lap dancing and having Mr/Ms Midnight contests at 10:04.

Yes, we'll all be partying soon and.....

The Real Villages Song Shovelin' Sunshine.

Joe Biden singing the Villages Florida song circa 2008

Anyone else remember when Biden showed up (uninvited) to the Villages?  From what I recall, when the powers that refused his request to speak in the town square he went to Spanish Springs, go a cone from that good candy store (boy did he show the Morse people how serious he was-LOL)

Here now for you alls listening pleasure....

The Villages Song



Oy....

The GREAT WALL OF THE VILLAGES, it's coming and Wildwood will pay for it!

Yes, it's coming, the Great Wall of Florida, this thing is going to be so huge you'll be able to see it from your Southwest Airlines flight to Orlando.  Rumor has it that all the theme parks are selling tours to see it.

I thought this was just local gossip but I ran into some who looked like Mark Morse at Walmart, first he denied who he was but after questioning him he said yes, the wall is coming. He never admitted being the Morse kid.  When you see him or his sisters around ask them yourself.

You may ask yourself why would Wildwood pay for this wall. The simple truth is they are sick and tired of us running around ruining their town. They view us as spoiled demanding know-it-alls, according to Wildwood residents we drink too much, are oversexed and can't drive. They don't want our fluffy little dogs peeing and pooping. I stuck up for us, stood up proudly and said "I know you are, but what am I". Those Wildwoodians seem to not get rhetoric, it went straight over their heads.

There is a protest planned next money in the Wildwod business district. I didn't realize they had one, but see you there.

The Villages Florida ad song SPOOFED

One of the great things about the people of The Villages is the ability to laugh at themselves, IMO this is the key to a long, healthy and happy life. Say what you will, they are primarily good people and have managed to establish a feeling of community in a short time.



THE VILLAGES SPOOF

HEY Villagers, Need Cash, Sell Your (or your neighbors) cell phone

We all could use some extra cash from time to time cell phones, in particular iPhones can bring in some extra cash. I would guess that the majority of iPhone owners have no clue what to do with all the apps, it can be uber frustrating. I long for the days of the old flip phones, no mystery there.

Do yourself and your friends a favor-sell the darn things.

This would also make a great fundraiser for clubs, churches and schools.

Sell Your Cell Phone

The Villages Need A Wall ..BIG TIME

With all the talk about Donald Trump and his Mexican wall plan I have found that it has brought the idea of The Villages wall.  I have recently received about 1677 emails all saying the same thing, WE NEED A WALL!

Let's explore the options available to us. We could just wall in the town squares thereby eliminating future "ladies" fighting.  It would also deter locals from having sex in the squares.  I don't really think residents having sex in public is a problem, after all, Mr. Midnight was a local hero (RIP).

I saw on Fox News today that Times Square in New York City had panhandling girls naked with just paint on their breasts. How long until they take over Sumter Landing?  I think naked panhandling should be restricted to residents and banned from Spanish Springs.

All boob painting should be age appropriate, I'm thinking the Twin Towers would fit be great on the older canvas.

Please stop emailing me about THE WALL, take your problems to the Morse kids.

What happened to good clean fun?

What has happened to The Villages?  Back in the day it was all good clean fun.  Anyone remember the days of the world's longest golf cart parade? How about the impromptu parades? I remember sitting in front of Starbucks and about six golf carts just starting one. A friend of mine asked what it was, I told her a parade and she couldn't wait to move here.

Gary Morse was a genius, breaking it all up into neighborhoods to make the sense of belonging-I just don't feel the same sort of family and loyalty.  It was as if we were some sort of pioneers setting forth to a new experimental lifestyle-kind of like the people lining up for a free trip to Mars. (Some people will do ANYTHING for a free trip-LOL) Now I'm starting to feel NIMBY, or should it be NIMV.

Come on people, we're all in the same boat, let's embrace and celebrate our differences. The next time you see little Ethel out there stop and pet her, tell her she's cute, compliment her sneakers.

Say NO to lewdness, no lap dancing in the town squares, NO nudist pools, NO illegal aliens mowing our yards and NO non-villagers with drug addled brains hanging out. In the future I think only Villagers should be able to do these things.

WHAT? DO WE NEED A WALL?

Fight at Line Dancing OR Was it Really Lap Dancing?

When is this oversexed behavior going to stop?  First there was Leisureville and it's star, Mr. Midnight.  Then there were sex on the square duo, let's not forget the willy wagger  at the pools-are we living in The Villages or the Hedonism club.

I didn't see the start of the fight, just based my opinion on what I was told. Now I'm getting countless emails telling it wasn't a cat-fight, it was a lap dancing thing gone awry.

You all need to calm yourselves, what is going to happen when those damn snowbirds come back.

NUDIST POOLS IN THE VILLAGES-Are you kidding me or what?

Right now we have family pools, sports pools. adult pools and country club pools-isn't that enough? I recently was asked to sign a petition trying to force the Villages into having at least two clothing optional pools.

There seems to be a private interest group campaigning for this, they're getting serious about this and are planning protests by removing their swimsuits at random pools. This is seriously something we don't need to see.

PLEASE SAY NO TO TMI,

Two "Ladies" Fighting in The Villages Town Square

What is going on here?  There I was minding my own business and this fight breaks out with these two women. WTF, ladies aren't supposed to fist fight on the town square. You know what caused the fight, line dancing? It didn't start that way, what started it was they both had major crushes on the entertainers. Then they were trying to outsex each other with their line dancing, next thing you know they're going at it.

I haven't anything like this since I left Alabama. 

HEY LADIES! Be smart, be safe, be classy. You should have taken it to the parking lot.

More About Pets

I've been receiving hundreds  of emails asking about Ethel, the miniature comfort horse. I think all the complainers need to give it up. Have you all seen Ethel? I saw her this week in Sumter (NO PEE) Landing, she was totally adorable and more useful than the usual maltese dogs. She had just gone shopping with her owner and was carrying all the bags, how convenient is that?

Of course, there were the chronic complainers, but they couldn't quite figure out what the real problem is.  It was pointed out that since THE Villages doesn't specifically mention mini comfort horses, then it's allowed until it is specifically mentioned.

The funny thing is that a handful of people asked if she was a boy or a girl.... HELLLoooo, she's wearing pink sneakers.

Pets in The Villages

The Villages presents itself as America's Friendliest Hometown and pet friendly. For the most part this is true. Everyone just loves my dog Homer. There's a kind of a 2 pet rule but they don't really mean it.

One of my friends, Claudettia, actually took this "rule" so seriously she actually flushed her turtle (Speedo) because she was over the limit. It was a damn shame. A friend of mine on TOB told me the truth, you can have as many as you want. She also ignores the leash law and turns them loose, they always come back. According to her the secret is to dress them alike and people lose count. It seems to work for her, she moved in with six and now has 9 or 10-she's right, you lose count when they're dressed alike-you can't argue with success.

Another thing that's subject to discussion is therapy animals. I guess whatever gives you comfort is a comfort pet. One of my neighbors just bought a Miniature Therapy Horse named Ethel. This thing is so damn cute, we all just love Ethel to death, except busy-body loser who complained, so Ethel got a lawyer.  If she wins I would love a mini donkey. Time will tell.

The Villages Florida, What's It All About?

People are always asking what the Villages lifestyle is all about, new people on their lifesyle visit often seem to try to deny that everything seems great.  For the most part it is.  I like to compare it to back in the college days, living on a huge campus but having more money and not having to go to class.

When I first moved here I felt so relaxed, I felt like I was drugged (in a good way-lol). I'm really not accustomed to hearing the "N Word"- The N Word being "NO"-lol. The Villages marketing department is unbelievable-you want, you're willing to pay for it, you got it.

Somebody should do a socio/psychological study. You have 100,000+ people from all areas and different life paths getting along and enjoying life. We're like kids again.

Visualize retirement on steroids-you got it.

Dr. Palmer vs Cecil the Lion vs Planned Parenthood

How does the dentist killing Cecil the lion get compared to planned parenthood allegedly selling body parts? I don't know, but it's right there on TOB. Rumor has it the Morse family is into hunting, I'm not sure about that-I know they have some dead animals hanging on the walls. IMO, if these people want to hunt they should start a hunting club and address the rat problem. Hang the little suckers by the gates as a warning to all vermin. Getting back to Dr. Palmer, I hear he's on the lam, I heard on the news THEY are looking for him. How does it feel? How does it feel to have an extradition order hanging over your head? Do you realize that you too have a tracker on you? Buh-Bye Dr. Palmer, you are so done.

When Did Having Money Become a Bad Thing?

Is this a regional thing or what? Back when Gary Morse was still alive The Villagers were constantly speculating and commenting on his lifestyle.  What is with this? Why did these people think they were entitled to comment on his boat, his house and his political connections?

Now we're seeing the same attitude displayed toward Donald Trump-when did being a self-made billionaire become a bad thing.

Like it or not, he's coming to a village near you-lol. I'm just hoping he'll copycat the Morse concept and build another villages on the water. (The real water, not a retention pond.)  In this clone of the villages I would like some sort of marketing program that doesn't appeal to stupid people.

IMO, that is the only problem with the villages and TOB-too many stupid people and an overabundance of religous fanatics.

What is going on with the Morse kids? Can they sustain the pace their father started?

When is Donald Trump Visiting The Villages?

We all know that Donald Trump will  be visiting the Villages in Florida, all the Republicans pass through.  Hell, Sarah Palin even showed up a few times (YAWN).

I'm loving the Trump for President campaign. I've always found Donald Trump pretty amazing in a New York way.  Now everyday I tune is to what  he had to say that day. I've got news for you all kiddies, the man is speaking the truth.

I just loved it when he gave out Grahams phone, he fights like I do. Is this a New York thing or what?

Today THE DONALD is scheduled to go to the Texas border.  This man is all over the place.

So Donald (reading this?), when can we expect to see you? Can you bring some good bagels and pizza? Can you build us a casino?

Next... where is Christie?

BORING! You all have become boring.

Back in the day The Villages was more fun, what happened? There's a message board of Villagers, used to be fun-not so much anymore. (To protect the truly boring and maybe stupid I will simply call this message board TOB-the other board.)

This board, TOB, should be renamed the whine line. IMO it is overmoderated, capriciously censored and inspidly repetitive.  How much bandwith can you all waste discussing dogs running loose, peeing and being shorted pickles on your burger.

TOB has recently added a political forum. In this forum posters are all called Guest. I think the Guest title is great, it keeps idiots from revealing their true identity. I still know who they are.

II think the alleged passing of Mr. Midnight has numbed everyone's funny bone, so in an effort to regain a sense of fun I will be sponsoring a yearly Mr.or Ms. Midnight pageant. We tried having auditions last year but our candidate got arrested. We ask that each village have their own semi-finals and the grand final will be held in the fall during a campaign stop for wannabe Presidents. One of the qualifications is that you must stay up till at least 12:01.