DR. BEN CARSON IS COMING TO THE VILLAGES

Ben Carson is coming to The Villages for a book signing, YAWN. I know he's a very bright and accomplished man but he fails the barbeque test.

Would I like to sit with him at a barbeque? I DON'T THINK SO. Out of all the declared candidates I would be okay with Trump and Christie. Past qualified candidates were Bush (both Jr. & Sr.), Bill Clinton and Geraldine Ferrara.  I wouldn't mind hanging out with Romney and his wife, Reagan would be cool, I think even LBJ could be fun. Carson, not so much.

I don't like candidates who are overly religious. I think abortion should be available, I would never have had one but I think until he grows a uterus he should keep his views to himself.

I hear he's an okay Doctor, but he is boring.

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AGEism In The Villages Florida

I've gotten accustomed to younger people being ageist, many of my friends have children who roll their eyes at my geriatric immaturity, but what is it with the other Village people being ageist.

Countless times I have complete strangers claim they are too young to be living here.  HUH? If you're here you're old enough.  I usually handle the situation by commenting that they sure look old enough.

DENIAL-It's not just a river in Egypt.

My nomination to replace the title "America's Friendliest Home Town" is "The Villages, Florida, Immaturity Without Boundary".

THANKS TO ALL SNOWBIRDS

We should all thank the snowbirds for showing up early this year with their snowpups and sense of humor.
I sometimes read the message board Talk of The Villages, it was fun a little while back, now NOT SO MUCH.

We need the New Yorkers and Jersey crowd to keep it real. Sure, they can sometimes be loud and crude but they keep things light in the beginning.  Sadly a little bit into the season they start suffering from pizza and bagel withdrawal and it becomes frightening.

A word of advice to the other people, the people that only wish they were from NY and NJ-don't go there. Don't tell them about the great pizza in Grand Rapids, don't rave about Publix bagels. If you broach food subjects with the NY/NJ crowd be sure to do it respectfully.  I once sat next to a guy at TwoJays who ordered a latke for the first time in his life-he told me he never had one before-guess what? He still hasn't had one.

Do not make rude comments about the snowpups. The truth is that most of the snowdogs are educated purebreds who have excellent table manners-can you say the same about your grandchildren?

As a final bit of advice, this year has special circumstances, NY Mets are going to the World's Series. As on this writing we don't know what group of losers they are playing.  Don't go there.

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Who knew? I didn't. I never heard of Fantasy Golf Play, certainly never imagined a fun free game where I could win $200,000.  It's kind of like real golf without the snowbirds crowding the courses-LOL.

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Russia Is Watching The Villages. STRAIGHTEN UP.

When I checked the STATS from yesterday I noticed that there were more people viewing this from Russia than from The Villages in Florida-WHAT IS WITH THAT?  There could be a simple explanation, let's face it, The Villages has about 100,000 residents, Russia maybe a bit more.

For whatever the reason, you all need to straighten up.  What is their perception of America's Friendliest Home Town.  Judging from what you see online on the other boards we look like a bunch of drink swilling over-sexed STD spreading geriatrics who can't navigate a traffic circle.  STRAIGHTEN UP KIDDIES-THEY'RE WATCHING YOU.

At times like this I wish old Gary Morse were still alive, he would know what to do. He'd give them a boat ride on the fake lake, open up a chain of Borscht Are Us stands and break ground on the new village of Gatchina complete with the Zhivago center. He could have his golf cart stores sell customized carts made to look like troikas.

What will it be kids, Borscht or Schav?

The Effect of Electronic Pet Fencing on ICDs

The Villages in Florida doesn't allow traditional fencing.  They also have a strict leash law, so many homeowners have opted for invisible electronic fencing to contain their pets.

One of my neighbors recently had an ICD placement.  In reading through the manual I noticed that in addition to airport security there were several situations to avoid, one of which was the invisible fencing. I inquired whether it was the invisible dog fencing or the more visible fencing for livestock.

I can avoid livestock fencing, what about the invisible fencing?  Does it generate a magnetic field?  The scary part is you don't even know it's there, if you're just walking along what is the vulnerability factor?

Guess it's just something else to think about as you step off the curb.

BOOBALISCIOUS Golf Cart Riding in The Villages

I read on that other message board-y'know the one that believes in censorship that two couples were riding in their golfcart and the women were topless. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I don't know all the details-actually I know none of the details, but my HINKY METER is going through the roof.

My gut tells me this either happened in the Brownwod area or the historic area.  They are polar opposites demographically but both are inhabited by rogues.

It's no wonder that I heard they are walling in the Fruitland Park and Wildwood section.  IMO you really can't blame them not wanted their town overun with geriatric sexually obsessed renegades.

I guess the SNOWBIRDS are here-God help us all.

Hey, What is with all the Portugese and the Russians?

I guess we have a huge following in Portugal and Russia, who knew?  There are thousands of readers from Portugal and Russia. I'm hoping that this a sign that we will soon have a massive wave of immigration from those areas.

I would love to see a Portugese restaurant, hopefully from the Algarve region.  If you're familiar with that other message board you know that people are craving paella and kale soup. The only Russian I've been exposed to is The Russian Tea Room, these people would die at the prices. 

I heard a rumor today that the Portugese are coming to build THE WALL.  I know that the Portugese are great with tile and cement.  Have you idea what the Russians are up to.

Are They Selling Drugs in Brownwood?

Rumor has it that a barmaid in a restaurant in Brownwood was arrested for selling meth. I really don't know a lot about Brownwood, I went there a few times when it was first built.  IMO, after they poured the cement they should have kept the damn wild animals out of there-the cement a a mess.

I always look for a little truth in all these rumors.  Thanks to Google I now know that meth is used for treating ocd  and obesity. Maybe that's why it was allegedly sold at that restaurant that serves teeny tiny portions-do ya think?

The Great Wall of Wildwood is now making more sense. I can see why Wildwood is paying for it.  I heard from a reliable source (my landscaper's sister's third cousin who went to school with the Morse kids) that Fruitland Park is seriously thinking about a moat. Yes, they will call it the Morse Moat and guess who is paying for it.

Ethel and Bunny The Villages Therapy Ponies

You all heard it here first, my neighbor's cute little miniature comfort horse, Ethel Marie and her cute little pink sneakers. Now I hear of another one on the message board "Talk of the villages".  There was discussion about Bunny the therapy pony and possibly a third one.  HOW COOL IS THIS.

I loved the old days in The Villages when people seemed more fun and were more willing to let their freak flag fly.  What ever happened to the bubble machine golf cart-haven't seen him lately but he always brought a smile to my face.  How about the blue angel golf carts, remember when they had to be warned to tuck their wings up on bridges and tunnels?

I find it hard to believe we've grown up, it seems that would have happened before we got here.