No Hurricane Erika, Man o Man

Today I found out that we will not be getting a visit from Hurricane Erika, I've already bought all the supplies I needed. So now I have wine, beer, vodka and pretzels.  Whatever will I do?

The Snowbirds are coming

It seems that every year the snowbirds come earlier and earlier, maybe it's a result of global warming-what do I know?

Unlike a lot of the people I love the snowbirds, love their energy, love their "the neverending party" attitude. Let's take bet on how early in the season the first person from Jersey tries to drive their car over Spanish Springs bridge, and why does it always seem to be a Prius?  We will soon be hearing how the food is much better in NY or Boston or God knows where. We can all go to the town square and watch ladies in culottes line dancing, fist fighting, lap dancing and having Mr/Ms Midnight contests at 10:04.

Yes, we'll all be partying soon and.....

The Real Villages Song Shovelin' Sunshine.

Joe Biden singing the Villages Florida song circa 2008

Anyone else remember when Biden showed up (uninvited) to the Villages?  From what I recall, when the powers that refused his request to speak in the town square he went to Spanish Springs, go a cone from that good candy store (boy did he show the Morse people how serious he was-LOL)

Here now for you alls listening pleasure....

The Villages Song



Oy....

The GREAT WALL OF THE VILLAGES, it's coming and Wildwood will pay for it!

Yes, it's coming, the Great Wall of Florida, this thing is going to be so huge you'll be able to see it from your Southwest Airlines flight to Orlando.  Rumor has it that all the theme parks are selling tours to see it.

I thought this was just local gossip but I ran into some who looked like Mark Morse at Walmart, first he denied who he was but after questioning him he said yes, the wall is coming. He never admitted being the Morse kid.  When you see him or his sisters around ask them yourself.

You may ask yourself why would Wildwood pay for this wall. The simple truth is they are sick and tired of us running around ruining their town. They view us as spoiled demanding know-it-alls, according to Wildwood residents we drink too much, are oversexed and can't drive. They don't want our fluffy little dogs peeing and pooping. I stuck up for us, stood up proudly and said "I know you are, but what am I". Those Wildwoodians seem to not get rhetoric, it went straight over their heads.

There is a protest planned next money in the Wildwod business district. I didn't realize they had one, but see you there.

The Villages Florida ad song SPOOFED

One of the great things about the people of The Villages is the ability to laugh at themselves, IMO this is the key to a long, healthy and happy life. Say what you will, they are primarily good people and have managed to establish a feeling of community in a short time.



THE VILLAGES SPOOF

HEY Villagers, Need Cash, Sell Your (or your neighbors) cell phone

We all could use some extra cash from time to time cell phones, in particular iPhones can bring in some extra cash. I would guess that the majority of iPhone owners have no clue what to do with all the apps, it can be uber frustrating. I long for the days of the old flip phones, no mystery there.

Do yourself and your friends a favor-sell the darn things.

This would also make a great fundraiser for clubs, churches and schools.

Sell Your Cell Phone

The Villages Need A Wall ..BIG TIME

With all the talk about Donald Trump and his Mexican wall plan I have found that it has brought the idea of The Villages wall.  I have recently received about 1677 emails all saying the same thing, WE NEED A WALL!

Let's explore the options available to us. We could just wall in the town squares thereby eliminating future "ladies" fighting.  It would also deter locals from having sex in the squares.  I don't really think residents having sex in public is a problem, after all, Mr. Midnight was a local hero (RIP).

I saw on Fox News today that Times Square in New York City had panhandling girls naked with just paint on their breasts. How long until they take over Sumter Landing?  I think naked panhandling should be restricted to residents and banned from Spanish Springs.

All boob painting should be age appropriate, I'm thinking the Twin Towers would fit be great on the older canvas.

Please stop emailing me about THE WALL, take your problems to the Morse kids.

What happened to good clean fun?

What has happened to The Villages?  Back in the day it was all good clean fun.  Anyone remember the days of the world's longest golf cart parade? How about the impromptu parades? I remember sitting in front of Starbucks and about six golf carts just starting one. A friend of mine asked what it was, I told her a parade and she couldn't wait to move here.

Gary Morse was a genius, breaking it all up into neighborhoods to make the sense of belonging-I just don't feel the same sort of family and loyalty.  It was as if we were some sort of pioneers setting forth to a new experimental lifestyle-kind of like the people lining up for a free trip to Mars. (Some people will do ANYTHING for a free trip-LOL) Now I'm starting to feel NIMBY, or should it be NIMV.

Come on people, we're all in the same boat, let's embrace and celebrate our differences. The next time you see little Ethel out there stop and pet her, tell her she's cute, compliment her sneakers.

Say NO to lewdness, no lap dancing in the town squares, NO nudist pools, NO illegal aliens mowing our yards and NO non-villagers with drug addled brains hanging out. In the future I think only Villagers should be able to do these things.

WHAT? DO WE NEED A WALL?

Fight at Line Dancing OR Was it Really Lap Dancing?

When is this oversexed behavior going to stop?  First there was Leisureville and it's star, Mr. Midnight.  Then there were sex on the square duo, let's not forget the willy wagger  at the pools-are we living in The Villages or the Hedonism club.

I didn't see the start of the fight, just based my opinion on what I was told. Now I'm getting countless emails telling it wasn't a cat-fight, it was a lap dancing thing gone awry.

You all need to calm yourselves, what is going to happen when those damn snowbirds come back.

NUDIST POOLS IN THE VILLAGES-Are you kidding me or what?

Right now we have family pools, sports pools. adult pools and country club pools-isn't that enough? I recently was asked to sign a petition trying to force the Villages into having at least two clothing optional pools.

There seems to be a private interest group campaigning for this, they're getting serious about this and are planning protests by removing their swimsuits at random pools. This is seriously something we don't need to see.

PLEASE SAY NO TO TMI,

Two "Ladies" Fighting in The Villages Town Square

What is going on here?  There I was minding my own business and this fight breaks out with these two women. WTF, ladies aren't supposed to fist fight on the town square. You know what caused the fight, line dancing? It didn't start that way, what started it was they both had major crushes on the entertainers. Then they were trying to outsex each other with their line dancing, next thing you know they're going at it.

I haven't anything like this since I left Alabama. 

HEY LADIES! Be smart, be safe, be classy. You should have taken it to the parking lot.

More About Pets

I've been receiving hundreds  of emails asking about Ethel, the miniature comfort horse. I think all the complainers need to give it up. Have you all seen Ethel? I saw her this week in Sumter (NO PEE) Landing, she was totally adorable and more useful than the usual maltese dogs. She had just gone shopping with her owner and was carrying all the bags, how convenient is that?

Of course, there were the chronic complainers, but they couldn't quite figure out what the real problem is.  It was pointed out that since THE Villages doesn't specifically mention mini comfort horses, then it's allowed until it is specifically mentioned.

The funny thing is that a handful of people asked if she was a boy or a girl.... HELLLoooo, she's wearing pink sneakers.

Pets in The Villages

The Villages presents itself as America's Friendliest Hometown and pet friendly. For the most part this is true. Everyone just loves my dog Homer. There's a kind of a 2 pet rule but they don't really mean it.

One of my friends, Claudettia, actually took this "rule" so seriously she actually flushed her turtle (Speedo) because she was over the limit. It was a damn shame. A friend of mine on TOB told me the truth, you can have as many as you want. She also ignores the leash law and turns them loose, they always come back. According to her the secret is to dress them alike and people lose count. It seems to work for her, she moved in with six and now has 9 or 10-she's right, you lose count when they're dressed alike-you can't argue with success.

Another thing that's subject to discussion is therapy animals. I guess whatever gives you comfort is a comfort pet. One of my neighbors just bought a Miniature Therapy Horse named Ethel. This thing is so damn cute, we all just love Ethel to death, except busy-body loser who complained, so Ethel got a lawyer.  If she wins I would love a mini donkey. Time will tell.

The Villages Florida, What's It All About?

People are always asking what the Villages lifestyle is all about, new people on their lifesyle visit often seem to try to deny that everything seems great.  For the most part it is.  I like to compare it to back in the college days, living on a huge campus but having more money and not having to go to class.

When I first moved here I felt so relaxed, I felt like I was drugged (in a good way-lol). I'm really not accustomed to hearing the "N Word"- The N Word being "NO"-lol. The Villages marketing department is unbelievable-you want, you're willing to pay for it, you got it.

Somebody should do a socio/psychological study. You have 100,000+ people from all areas and different life paths getting along and enjoying life. We're like kids again.

Visualize retirement on steroids-you got it.